There’s something uniquely vulnerable about working alongside your siblings in a family business. You’re not just colleagues debating strategy in a conference room. You’re siblings with decades of shared history, inside jokes, and (let’s be honest) unresolved childhood dynamics trying to build something meaningful together.
Recently, I had the privilege of hosting a conversation with three next-generation leaders who’ve navigated the complex world of sibling succession planning: Shannon Schottler, Andrew Salmon, and Mark Mendes. Each brought a completely different perspective on working with siblings in family business, and their stories reminded me that there’s no single “right” way to handle family business conflict, but there are definitely lessons we can learn from those who’ve lived it.
Andrew’s Story: The Accordion Effect of Sibling Relationships
Andrew Salmon represents the third generation in a healthcare and housing company with 1,500 employees. As the youngest of siblings working in the business, Andrew watched his older siblings carry what he calls “invisible burdens” of leadership expectations. But what struck me most about Andrew’s approach was his honesty about the reality of working with siblings.
“Our relationship is like an accordion,” Andrew shared. “Sometimes we’re stretched apart, sometimes we’re in sync, but there’s always this underlying tension paired with deep love and mutual backing.”
Andrew’s path into leadership wasn’t automatic. He and his brother created what he calls “two clear paths, then chose together.” They worked with coaches and consultants to define their roles clearly, with his brother ultimately becoming CEO. This structured approach to sibling succession planning helped them avoid the trap many family businesses fall into: assuming roles will naturally sort themselves out.
One of Andrew’s most powerful insights was about empathy and vulnerability in leadership. “Leaders aren’t allowed to be vulnerable,” he observed, “but empathy changed everything.” As the youngest sibling, he had a unique perspective on the weight his older siblings carried, which shaped his approach to leadership and family business transition.
His advice? “Buy the ticket, take the ride. You chose this so own it.” But he also emphasized patience and the importance of clarity: “Clarity is kindness,” he said, highlighting how unclear expectations often fuel family business conflict.
Shannon’s Story: Building the Plane While Flying It
Shannon Schottler‘s story represents perhaps the most complex sibling dynamic I’ve encountered. As one of twelve siblings (yes, twelve!), with six actively involved in their 4,000-acre farm operation, Shannon entered the business later to fill a financial and legal gap after their father’s passing.
“We were raised as 12 chiefs and no Indians,” Shannon explained, capturing the challenge of a family where everyone was accustomed to leadership but succession planning was still evolving. The transition hasn’t been smooth. Shannon described their current situation as “building the plane while flying it.”
What resonated with me was Shannon’s honesty about the tension that exists even when siblings welcome you into the business. There’s often an unspoken question hovering: Are you here because you’re the best choice, or because you’re family? Shannon’s experience highlighted how birth order dynamics and role clarity become even more complex in larger sibling groups.
The age gap between Shannon and siblings also created unique challenges. Nineteen years separated Shannon from one brother, creating almost generational differences within the same generation. “Naming the dynamic helped me feel safer pushing back,” Shannon shared, demonstrating how acknowledging these differences can actually strengthen working relationships with siblings.
Shannon’s most healing realization? “It’s okay if you’re just business partners, not best friends.” This perspective shift removed pressure and allowed for more authentic professional relationships within the family structure.
For conflict resolution, Shannon emphasized rebuilding trust through four pillars: belief, care, consistency, and respect. “It’s possible to heal,” Shannon insisted. “You can re-cultivate a culture of trust.”
Mark’s Story: From Unexpected Leader to Mentor
Mark Mendes brought a unique perspective as someone who wasn’t the original choice for leadership. When his older brother left the business, Mark stepped into a role he hadn’t been groomed for. “I wasn’t raised to be the leader, I became the leader,” he shared.
Now in his second generation role at Mendes Hay and as founder of MMT Ag, Mark is experiencing the interesting dynamic of working alongside a much younger brother, someone the same age as his own son who’s also entering the business. This multi-generational complexity adds layers to sibling succession planning that many families don’t anticipate.
Mark’s approach to siblings in family business centers on unity and emotional maturity. “If I didn’t nurture these relationships, there would have been a power struggle,” he reflected. His focus on developing his sons’ ability to work together stems from his own experience of feeling isolated in leadership.
“I wish I had someone to lean on like my sons have each other,” Mark shared, highlighting how the next generation can learn from previous generations’ experiences.
His advice for managing working with siblings? Recognize each person’s strengths early, define roles clearly, and have a conflict resolution plan in place. But perhaps most importantly: “You can make money anywhere. If it’s not enjoyable, walk away.”
Key Lessons for Siblings in Family Business
After hearing these three very different stories, several crucial insights emerged about navigating family business transition with siblings:
Role Clarity is Everything. Whether you have two siblings or twelve, unclear expectations fuel conflict. Andrew’s structured approach to defining roles with his brother, Shannon’s work with coaches to clarify responsibilities, and Mark’s emphasis on recognizing strengths early all point to the same truth: assumptions about who does what will eventually become problems.
Generational Mindsets Matter. The conversation revealed how different generations approach business differently. Gen 1 tends toward “do it all, charge ahead,” while Gen 2 and 3 lean more toward “collaborate, communicate, coach.” Understanding these differences helps siblings navigate expectations and communication styles.
Boundaries Are Complicated (And That’s Okay). The group tried various approaches to separating family and business: alcohol-free business meetings, no business talk at holidays. But ultimately, none succeeded in completely compartmentalizing the two. Andrew’s insight rings true: “You can’t shut off a part of yourself.” The key is accepting this reality rather than fighting it.
Birth Order Dynamics Don’t Disappear. Whether you’re the oldest feeling responsible for everyone’s success, the youngest watching siblings carry invisible burdens, or somewhere in the middle trying to find your voice, family dynamics follow you into the business. Acknowledging these patterns, as Shannon did with naming age gap dynamics, actually creates more space for authentic professional relationships.
Empathy Changes Everything. Andrew’s observation about leaders not being allowed to be vulnerable struck a chord with all of us. When siblings can see and acknowledge the unique pressures each person carries, it creates space for both conflict resolution and genuine partnership.
The Future Is Still Yours to Shape. Perhaps the most encouraging theme was that even messy, in-progress family business transitions can be improved. Shannon’s emphasis on rebuilding trust, Andrew’s structured approach to role definition, and Mark’s focus on emotional maturity all demonstrate that siblings can learn to work together more effectively over time.
Moving Forward Together
These conversations reminded me that if you’re working with siblings in a family business, you’re not alone in feeling like you’re figuring it out as you go. Whether you’re in a tidy succession plan or a messy work-in-progress, there’s power in being what Shannon called “a broker of growth, trust, and vision.”
The challenges of sibling succession planning are real, but so are the opportunities. When siblings can move from power struggles to partnership, they create something that goes beyond what any individual could build alone.
Are you and your siblings ready to have the conversations that matter? We’ve seen countless families transform their working relationships through structured dialogue and clear planning. Our Evolve Immersion helps next-generation leaders navigate these exact challenges by creating clarity around roles, improving family communication, and building the foundation for successful transitions.
Ready to start the conversation? Download our Family Business Transition Checklist in the comments below, or send us a message about how we can support your family’s unique transition journey. Because every family deserves to build something meaningful together, including yours.
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